


The one with Grigg

by akachankami



Series: Shippers Anonymous [15]
Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: F/M, Stream of Consciousness, charles carson is a melodramatic grumpy old fool
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-04
Updated: 2017-08-04
Packaged: 2018-12-10 20:49:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11699652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akachankami/pseuds/akachankami
Summary: Prompt:Who is this fellow she's walking out with? And such a rough looking sort, according to Molesley. I've tried so very hard to tell her how I feel, to show her at least. I'll have to see for myself, there she is now, knocking on Mrs. Crawley's door. My god, it couldn't be, not… Charlie Grigg! I… I can't… no, I need some time… the ruins, that's the place… I can breathe, think… Later, whirling at the sharp crack of a twig behind him, "Elsie, please, I… just tell me… why h-him?!"





	The one with Grigg

**Author's Note:**

> This one's a little different. I wrote it before the first episode of the fourth season aired and I wanted to adapt it to my speculation for the upcoming plotline so I split it throughout the text and altered something...

**Who is this fellow she's walking out with? And such a rough looking sort, according to Molesley. I've tried so very hard to tell her how I feel, to show her at least. I'll have to see for myself, there she is now, knocking on Mrs. Crawley's door. My god, it couldn't be, not… Charlie Grigg!**  It can't be… he can't do this again, not to Mrs Hughes… She's helping him get inside now, I can't believe my eyes, she's willing to be seen in public with such a… a… a bastard! (Why am i censuring myself?)

Maybe she doesn't know him very well, doesn't know him like i know him, she's been charmed and lied to and God knows what he's been telling her… about me. I hope not the truth! Oh Lord, please, don't let her know about my shame, I couldn't stand it!

But how did he find out? I never told him about her, it's not like with Lydia, I could understand Lydia but Mrs Hughes… falling for that old rug of a man? … and who am I to speak, I am an old rug myself, beaten one more time.

**I… I can't… no, I need some time… the ruins, that's the place… I can breathe, think…** But think of what? that old filthy man's hand on my beloved Mrs Hughes? (My beloved Mrs Hughes?! Where does this come from? Maybe it's time I aknowledge my weakness, I can't lie anymore, not now). Not even pacing along the ruins path is doing anything to soothe the (heart-)ache. I must confess… No, I must confront him and demand he leaves her alone (to me) because we both know how it ended up with Lydia and I cannot… I cannot think about what it would be if Mrs Hughes were to leave Downton… No, he cannot do this to her, I won't allow it!

This is about me and me only, I know, he wants me to die alone and in shame, taking away all that is dear to me, he hates me that much now… That thief… That's all he was ever able to do: steal.

He stole my happiness once… Lydia… She was so beautiful, she was so innocent. And I was going to propose and leave life on the stages and his petty methods behind, settle down, have a family… Dreams, just empty dreams now. Lydia fell for him much too fast. How could I ever walk the stages and work with him again, call him 'friend' after that? He just wanted to show me what a mistake it would have been to marry that girl, he said… But I left him anyway, oh best decision of my life!

It lead me to Downton. And to meet Mrs Hughes. And now that I have something to live for again he have to destroy it! (Overdramatic, Charles, calm down!)

Pacing in circles is not doing anything. I never felt this restless since… since… since her cancer scare, actually. (The fear of losing her I suppose).

But why him? Of all men, why Grigg?

Who am I fooling, even if she dismisses Grigg in the end she won't look at me twice knowing I once performed in the halls, stole from the kitchen and affiliated with such a filthy old beggar. I already lost her… I'm ruined, shamed, alone, as good as dead! (Don't be so melodramatic, Charles! But do go on…)

I'll see her tonight, tell her about Grigg, tell her about the old days and make a fool of myself even if she probably already knows. I'll tell her tonight, ask her to stay, to not leave (me)… for him, oh Lord, why him?

**[… whirling at the sharp crack of a twig behind him]** There she is! How did she find me? What is she doing here? Oh Lord, Charles, breathe! You're making a fool of yourself already!

"Mr Carson,"

**"** Mrs Hughes **, please, I… just tell me… why h-him?!** "

Did I startle her? "Good evening to you, too, Mr Carson." Great, now she's upset, why can't I shut up for once?

"I apologise Mrs Hughes, I don't know what… " I'm stuttering, stuttering like a little boy! God have mercy, let a lightning hit me now! Why does it have to be so sunny in such a gloomy day.

"Will you walk with me?"

She wants to walk with me? Yes, I'll walk with her to the moon and back, I'll walk with her to the Gates of Hell and get inside if she asks. (Whatever happened to me? I've never thought this kind of thoughts, what an uneven feeling)

"I suppose you found out about Mr Grigg," Yes, my love (My love?) I did "and you're upset with me for not telling you." Upset? I'm not upset? I'm beyond upset! I'm furious! I'm jealous! (Am I? Jealous? … Oh stop lying to yourself, you are, Charles Carson, head over heels for the housekeeper and you're a jealous man right now, act accordingly)

"I'm worried, Mrs Hughes," Worried, sounds better than jealous, more… honourable, how could i explain 'jealous' to her? "Charlie Grigg is not a respectable man."

"He's your friend, Mr Carson."

Oh hell, no! "He is NOT!" Oops, I think I scared her, don't be scared, love, I shouldn't yell, ever again, I promise! "I am not." Better "He's a thief and a beggar and he's trying to destroy my life because he thinks I owe him something." Well he did not make a fortune without me on the stages…

"He wants to apologise actually."

What? "What?"

"He told me about your life as a double act, told me about the stages," And now my disgrace is complete and total and I should lay down here and die (Yes, go overdramatic, Charles, like it's doing any good) "He told me how unfair he's been with you and he wants to apologise."

… "…"

"Mr Carson, I think he's sincerly sorry now, not like that other time…" And she knows about that time too. How will I ever face her earnest look again? "Please, he just wants to meet you, ask for your forgiveness," What about you?

"Do you love him, Mrs Hughes?"

"What?" What? Was i too direct? What happens? What's that look?

"Is that why you care so much for that… man?"

Why is she smiling now? I'll never understand women.

"No, it's because I care about you, and this matter's been upsetting you for quite some time now, I cannot have you stress about it any longer." How does she know? (You're not asking the right questions, Charles, focus on the first half of the sentence for heaven's sake!) "Will you meet him? Listen to what he wants to tell?"

"Do you want me to?"

"If it helps, Mr Carson," When did my hand end up in hers? Oh, I think this is already helping a great deal, Mrs Hughes, I don't feel the urge to disappear overnight anymore. (But please keep holding my hand, it's a dark path ahead.)


End file.
